Welcome to the madhouse….

So this is the first time I’ve decided to blog about me and I’m not sure where I’m going with this but I guess it’s time for me to explore what makes me….Me!

I’ll start by saying that variously throughout my life I’ve been told that I am non conformist (my first BF), not academic (my A level geography tutor), would be gorgeous if I lost the weight (various, including well meaning family members) use too many exclamation marks (my last marketing director!!!) and have a journalistic style (my Oxford professors).

I’m a mass of contradictions. On one hand a loud proud gay man- always have been, never doubted- and on the other not the traditional stereotype. Im the wrong side of lard, I’ve never felt the need to be particularly flamboyant, not particularly tidy, love cooking, Glee and happy having a drink or 3 in a pub or hanging with my hubby at home, both secretly crying over sad storylines!! I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’m nothing special….just me!!

So lets talk about the blog name…utterly FLABULOUS!! Well I’ve been fighting against preconceptions all my life whilst at the same time secretly wanting nothing but to fit in and it’s taken me a long time to feel comfortable with myself. This is a process that didn’t start till well into my thirties. I spent my teens and twenties trying too hard. I did the religious thing, I did the podium thing, hell I even did the doorman thing, I made stupid mistakes, I failed and excelled more times than I care to mention and I used a coin flip to make important decisions.

It was in my thirties that I truly started feeling comfortable being me, with who I was on the inside and outside! I met some great people, I started to take care of myself and found a confidence that I had never felt in my life before. With a couple of friends I formed a group for larger blokes, and those that loved them and we organised CHUBCRAWLS in various cities and had more fun than was really appropriate!! We had a regular pub, sang karaoke, went out for meals, trips away and had a support network when we went out. For the first time I met people who thought I was gorgeous just the way I was, rather than if I lost a bit of weight, for the first time I felt truly FLABULOUS.

I met the love of my life, the wonderful Dazzler, during this time, and made the move to Brighton to start a new life together, closer to the sea. This choice was really mine but Dazzler made me feel we made it together, something that I’m truly grateful for although I never give him enough credit.
Since then we have got married, moved into our house and adopted 3 doggies, The wonderful hunny, the maniac that is Tilly and our lil boy Sam. We’ve also both given up our jobs, bought ourselves a vintage ice cream van and are starting a business this year.

I’ve struggled with my weight my whole life and felt that I spent my teens, twenties and thirties on one diet or another. I’ve managed to develop type two diabetes and various other weight related illnesses and I guess the best you could say about my relationship with food, and especially crisps, was that it was unhealthy.

But that is all changing. As I said last year I gave up my job, mostly due to the stress of the work but it was the best decision I could have made!! It’s allowed me to take a long hard look at my life and 10 months down the line I am finally starting to pick up the pieces and fit it back together to create a life which will be heathy, wealthy and wise……

This blog I guess will be about my current journey, I’m sure it will feature relevant ramblings about my past and the odd recipe or two, but I guess I’m also hoping to share some of the things that have helped me along the way!!

If you are reading this then thanks for stopping by ;0) I know I’m a virgin blogger and don’t really know who would read this but it’s a pleasure to meet you all the same

Be utterly Flabulous!!

James xx

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