It’s just so god damn boring!!
The stuff I love, whether its chips, sweet things, crisps or even pasta are lumped in the same group….Carbs, the silent killer!
I always wondered how I ended up being a DBag. Before my diagnosis I didn’t even have a sweet tooth! I was overweight, badly, which I now know means my body doesn’t produce enough insulin to cope with my size but I always thought that I ate healthily. I’d load up on pasta, rice or potatoes with a healthy portion of protein and bags of salad or veggies!! My problem has and always will be portion control, although when it came to desserts I’d always happily pass as I didn’t need them and I’ve never been a fan of sugary drinks.
It turns out that these healthy meals, and my expanding curvature all added to the fact that one day I wasn’t producing enough insulin and overnight was diagnosed with diabetes. In reality it wasn’t an overnight illness. The Dazzler, who used to work on a diabetic ward, first noticed my mood swings, my tiredness, even my peeing and thirst, but I was in denial. Even when I couldn’t fight off a bout of cellulitis so severe it led to hospitalisation and scarring on my leg I still couldn’t face facts. But one day it all came back to bite me on my FLABULOUS ass!! This was it…I was a DBag!!
Where before I was a self confessed savoury crispaholic now I crave sweet things like a junkie craves his next hit and go out of my way to invent reasons to celebrate, promising myself just the tiniest portion, which I justify would be fine, if Only I stuck to one portion!!
What doesn’t help is that virtually no one caters for DBags. Sure I can get sweetener at most places, and whilst specialist retailers will even sell me sugar free, carb neutral, versions of some of my old favourites these are not easily accessible. We went on a cruise last year and I was so relieved that the dessert trolly contained sugar free options and they even had something other than Diet coke as an option I could have wept. Seriously that’s how low I’d fallen.
I’ve been reading a few posts by fellow DBags who are going through similar things at the moment and my heart went out to them. One thing, however, that became apparent is that all of our stories and experiences are very different which means that not only can it get really isolating, it also means that there isn’t a one size fits all solution that will work for everyone.
For me I realise that I have to behave like a recovering addict, to deny myself those things that make me happy, so that playing the long game I come out on top. But it doesn’t make it any easier. I’m human, I make mistakes, I eat the wrong things and I sometimes drink too much. So that’s why sometimes, just sometimes mind, I hate being diabetic!