Sometimes I hate being diabetic…

It’s just so god damn boring!!

The stuff I love, whether its chips, sweet things, crisps or even pasta are lumped in the same group….Carbs, the silent killer!

I always wondered how I ended up being a DBag. Before my diagnosis I didn’t even have a sweet tooth! I was overweight, badly, which I now know means my body doesn’t produce enough insulin to cope with my size but I always thought that I ate healthily. I’d load up on pasta, rice or potatoes with a healthy portion of protein and bags of salad or veggies!! My problem has and always will be portion control, although when it came to desserts I’d always happily pass as I didn’t need them and I’ve never been a fan of sugary drinks.

It turns out that these healthy meals, and my expanding curvature all added to the fact that one day I wasn’t producing enough insulin and overnight was diagnosed with diabetes. In reality it wasn’t an overnight illness. The Dazzler, who used to work on a diabetic ward, first noticed my mood swings, my tiredness, even my peeing and thirst, but I was in denial. Even when I couldn’t fight off a bout of cellulitis so severe it led to hospitalisation and scarring on my leg I still couldn’t face facts. But one day it all came back to bite me on my FLABULOUS ass!! This was it…I was a DBag!!

Where before I was a self confessed savoury crispaholic now I crave sweet things like a junkie craves his next hit and go out of my way to invent reasons to celebrate, promising myself just the tiniest portion, which I justify would be fine, if Only I stuck to one portion!!

What doesn’t help is that virtually no one caters for DBags. Sure I can get sweetener at most places, and whilst specialist retailers will even sell me sugar free, carb neutral, versions of some of my old favourites these are not easily accessible. We went on a cruise last year and I was so relieved that the dessert trolly contained sugar free options and they even had something other than Diet coke as an option I could have wept. Seriously that’s how low I’d fallen.

I’ve been reading a few posts by fellow DBags who are going through similar things at the moment and my heart went out to them. One thing, however, that became apparent is that all of our stories and experiences are very different which means that not only can it get really isolating, it also means that there isn’t a one size fits all solution that will work for everyone.

For me I realise that I have to behave like a recovering addict, to deny myself those things that make me happy, so that playing the long game I come out on top. But it doesn’t make it any easier. I’m human, I make mistakes, I eat the wrong things and I sometimes drink too much. So that’s why sometimes, just sometimes mind, I hate being diabetic!

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2 Comments Add yours

  1. RogueGirl says:

    This has brought tears to my eyes. Seriously.

    You’re right, not all DBags are created equal and, honestly, it would be awesome if we were!

    I’d love, right now, to be in a one size fits all sort of category (I mean, if we’re going to be stuck with a disease, let it be one size fits all, right?) but were we all the same, we’d all dress in brown.

    Having said that, I actually see a lot of similarities between you and I.

    Portion size has always been my downfall. Since being diagnosed with the ‘betes, I’ve lost 21.3 pounds (that’s 1.3 stone apparently, lol). How am I doing that? By measuring out every little blessed thing I put in my mouth, save water.

    I crave things now that, prior to diagnosis, I could give or take. But tell me to go to a more plant based diet and all I can think about is how this girl loves her meat! (You can read that whichever way you want. ;-))

    I’ve been told that moderation is key, but the truth this, and I think you’ve hit the nail on the head with this, the things that are “bad” for us (chips, crisps, pasta, bread, sweets) or even the things that are “good” for us (pineapple, mango, bananas), we don’t know how to do it in moderation. It is, for lack of a better word, an addiction and not just something simply dismissed as “lack of control or discipline”.

    Like you, I have to look at how I want to come out in the long game. Do I have the cupcakes and steaks and fully loaded potatoes, or do I stick with a more plant based diet and indulge in, what hopefully turns out tasty, the rare, “diabetic approved” sweet?

    Also like you, it’s hard to give up some of the foods I love because, on paper, these are supposed to be “good for me”.

    Right now I hate being diabetic all the time. But I’m hoping that I will learn and adapt and won’t always hate it. But man, watching carbs and sugars and such is really a pain in the ass (as well as the finger tips).

    Exx

    1. Jimbob says:

      Thank you sooo much for writing this…I know it’s hard to begin with and ill say 2 years later I’m only now not totally focused on the ‘betes but like you I’m a foodie and will not be kept down for long.

      As long as you keep reading ill keep coming up with the ideas and recipes, not to mention the silly stories to make you smile xx

      And remember…it gets batter!! ;0)

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