It’s sunny so why am I hiding inside?

Not sure exactly what’s wrong with me. The weather is glorious and march is well and truly turning this country to spring and yet here I am sitting In the dark of our living room avoiding going out.

Even the Dazzler has made it out the door, and has gone for his first bike ride of the year, but here I am hiding (and posting)

Now don’t get me wrong I’m not totally wasting life! I’ve already put a coat of paint on our bathroom and tidied a little. I’ve even started making Nigellas plum & amaretti crumble, but I shouldn’t be doing these things. Why aren’t I out there living life?

Its been a busy week. Work has been hectic and yesterday was spent vegging out at home doing as little as possible. (Friday was a heavy night) but that still doesn’t excuse my complete lack of motivation to leave the house.

I guess I’m just having the blues. I’m not depressed but I suppose it’s been a tricky month, what with our car breaking down and costing us £500 (long story) and needing a hire car (the rest of our months budget) but I really feel I should be out there living, not in here blogging.

It’s at this point that I’d be typing….’so that’s it, I’m off out see you all later’…but there is something stopping me. I want to be having a cappuccino at the beach, or mooching through the lanes. I want to be enjoying life, yet here I am documenting that fact instead of doing something about it.

I’d love to say that it’s depression, or another illness, but it’s almost like apathy, like I’m waiting for my life to start up again, but I don’t remember it stopping. We came to a monumental decision recently and I’m thinking this must have something to do with it.

We decided to sell our ice cream van Lulu. It wasn’t an easy decision but it was the right one. She is worth more to us as an asset than as our business and there is so much more we could do with that money, buy a decent car, put a deposit down on a house, get proper married, but as I say it wasn’t an easy decision.

For me it was the end of a dream, my dream of working in food, but without working for someone else. Of being proper self sufficient, I spose of being a grown up with our own business.

It also means admitting some facts…

I can run other peoples businesses fantastically but actually I’m not good at running my own.

I actually love my job now- the same job that was only supposed to be a stop gap

We don’t run an ice cream business anymore

And I think that last point that’s getting to me. You see it’s sunny and we should be out in Lulu now getting ready for summer and we’re not….

So I think I’ll hide another bit longer if that’s ok xxxxxx

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