This is a very honest post and I will start by saying that if you are reading this as it happens then you may be wondering where are all my previous positive posts.
The truth is I lost my blogging mojo around the time that I lost interest in food. The good news is that my interest in food is back (anyone that follows me on instagram or twitter will have seen the foodie pics) but blogging has yet alluded me.
So here we are back on the blogging trail but I have to say this is a mixed post.
On one hand…
I made the best decision of my life having bariatric surgery. I am healthier than I have ever been as an adult, I’m enjoying having energy and that clothes fit, Im enjoying not being on any medication and I don’t hate myself quite so much.
On the other hand…..
I haven’t lost weight in over 3 months – hovering up and down a kilo and with some minor losses only to put back on again. Having lost 5 stones in 5 months after surgery and suddenly being someone who lost weight I’ve lost nothing since November.
This is messing with my head. All the things I did in those 5 months are still there. I’m exercising, I’m eating small portions, I’m not drinking alcohol and I am drinking fluids (maybe not enough??)
So whats the problem?
Since surgery I have tried NOT letting my old mentality of dieting and bingeing rule my life. I’ve concentrated on making healthy choices and letting my new tummy guide what I can and cant eat.
I’ve not experienced dumping (the high sugar high fat effect lots of bariatric people experience) and there arent foods that cause me a problem. And I kind of wish I had and they did. I have had nothing stopping me eating apart from my Tummy so I have been lucky enough to eat what I want.
And I think thats the problem. My old mentality of resorting to comfort foods means I am opening myself to slider foods (easily taken in) so crisps are still my kryptonite (Crisptonite?) I’m also eating the odd chocolate toffee (who knew I would get a craving for those) since I was told I was now a diet controlled diabetic. (I’M A BLOODY IDIOT)
I don’t know if that’s the reason that I have stalled (not losing weight) I don’t feel like Im doing a lot of the above and I’m also not alone. Lots of people, including one of my wonderful surgery buddies, is going through the same thing. but still feel guilty.
I had this surgery and I feel like I’m buggering it all up. I haven’t put weight on but surely I should still be losing weight? I certainly don’t feel like the confident person in the picture I’ve added to this post.
So that’s where I am. I am in a much better place, I have a much better quality of life and I have still lost 9 stone since this journey started.
But just like all the best alcoholics here I am still in crisis, still battling (food) addiction