Short but very honest post here….

I’m coming up to 22 months since I had bariatric surgery and I’ve just got on the scales after being in lockdown (due to previous medical conditions I’m not sposed to go out)

I know I’ve been making bad choices due to stress and anxiety (and not just a little boredom) and I’ve put on 5lbs in a couple of weeks. (I no longer weigh myself as frequently as ironically I’m trying to have a healthier relationship with my weight).

It’s bought it home to me how much this surgery is just a tool and not a wand. We need to work hard to keep it off once we have lost it and I have totally had my eye off the ball with everything that’s going on.

I realised I’d got to the point of get up, watch the news, eat breakfast, do jobs round the house, eat some more, watch telly (and yet more bad news) eat lunch, watch telly, eat a snack, eat another snack, do a couple more jobs, eat dinner, stay up late and graze. Basically In terms of behaviours ive reverted to presurgery me.

I’m really missing walking (my main exercise) and I’ve got my baking mojo back and that scares the hell out of me as it’s too easy to pop the bad stuff in my mouth (and by bad stuff I mean crisps and sweet stuff) when I’m bored which is why I’m here now, oversharing in an attempt to hold myself to account

The challenge of this surgical option is that I’ve gone from being a person who couldn’t lose weight, to being a person who could, back to being a person who can’t lose weight but also doesn’t put weight on, and now I’m back to being a person who puts weight on easily,

This messes with your head. For a long time I didn’t know who I was any more. I’ve mentioned that I stopped blogging, I didn’t have a particularly positive relationship with food and now I’m at the point where I am enjoying cooking again, enjoying my relationship with food (my portion control is still great) and it’s come back to bite me on the arse.

It’s definitely down to what I eat NOT how much. I need to focus on lower carb options, lower fat and NO junk, so why, when the world has gone to tits do I focus on NOT controlling the one thing I can control?

Now that’s the million dollar question….